Tap into a whole new narrative!

“ There is something to this tapping thing!” This is what my new client said after 3 EFT sessions. The challenge in her relationship was healing so rapidly she was in total awe. She came in with very deep concerns that her marriage might be over, but as I sat across from her on session 3 she reported that things had shifted for the better so quickly she could hardly believe it was possible. This change, albeit positive, created some resistance and fear in her. We tapped on her fear and resistance to things changing so easily and quickly. One of the things that felt uncomfortable for her as she began to heal, was the release of her long held story about her relationship. When we have held a limiting belief or story about ourselves or others it becomes the main lens with which we see and experience everything. When we become free of an old story it introduces opportunity to see, feel, and behave in new ways. This change can feel threatening, consciously or unconsciously, because it requires us to take steps outside our comfort zone. Our little voice cries out..”uh oh, what if letting go of this story requires me to express more fully, be more vulnerable, let go of control, take a risk, make a decision, make a commitment, own my power….”
For this particular client the story was “I have to be in charge and do everything myself because my husband is unreliable.” As we unraveled and released the grip of this story she began to notice all the places where this was actually not true. She could never see it before because she was constantly gathering evidence to support her story. The bottom line is that when we are holding on to these stories we are removing ourselves from the most powerful place there is..the present moment. As she began to really experience her husband without the story, she became more present and able to see the wholeness of him, allowing her to relax and trust more. Why not emphasize the stories of resilience,strength,love, and courage. EFT helps release our reflexive tendency to orbit around the stories that keep us stuck and fearful.Embracing and exploring new narratives is the road to more freedom, joy and property!

“The trick is in what one emphasizes, we either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castaneda

 

What would your life be like with a compelling  narrative pulling you into the life you truly want?

 

Engagement or Stamina

Lately I found myself exhausted and sick for 3 weeks. It was like I had been knocked down and had no options but to stop and rest. I pondered, as I always do, what is the learning here? How did I get myself here? One bonus of being on the couch all day was being available for lots of chats with my daughters. As I was talking to my  oldest daughter about her AP history teacher and how engaged he is in what he teaches I found my insight. My daughter explained that because of his engagement and passion, she also feels engaged and excited to learn and follow through with a hefty workload. She said “it doesn’t feel hard even though it’s rigorous.” So the ingredient necessary to make a hefty workload feel effortless and doable: full engagement! I realized I had been relying on stamina alone to push me through for months.

 Do you interact with your world with engagement or just rely on stamina? These are 2 very different kinds of energy available to us. Both are necessary and incredibly valuable, but I think its imperative to become aware of where we operate most of the time. Ask yourself, is it getting me the result I want? I’m beginning to see that full engagement leads to ultimate stamina.

 For me, when I am fully engaged in something it feels rewarding and energizing. I have a heart connection to what I am doing, and why I am doing it. I’m plugged in to the bigger picture. When I’m just using stamina it feels harder,overwhelm sets in,and its seems I have to push and force my way through it.

The theme of masculine and feminine energy are present here. To me stamina is a more masculine energy and engagement a more feminine energy. As women I think we have to constantly challenge the old beliefs that in order to accomplish and succeed in our work or lives in general we have to lead and maintain this intense level of masculine energy. Again, both masculine and feminine energies are essential to our success. What I’m proposing is  that it is important  to consider the balance of these energies in your being.

I invite you to join me in opening up to being more engaged in everything we do. Sometimes it’s a matter of practicing with the smallest things. Brushing your teeth, having a conversation, or making dinner. Setting the intention to be more engaged in what is in front of us.

Ways to get reengaged:

 * Ask yourself:

1. What is keeping me from being fully engaged?fear,worry,unmet expectations,limiting beliefs,or old outdated stories about yourself or the life you have created so far?

2. What do I want to get out of this moment( this task) or give to this moment (this task)

 3. Does everything have to be a struggle.

4.Can I find the joy in this?

5. Am I emotionally connected to what I’m doing ? How can I tap into why I am doing it…my purpose, my cause, my calling, the bigger picture.

6. Can I find a way to move from a “have to” mentality to a “choose to” mentality?

7.Am I focused on too many things at once? When our attention is scattered too many places it is difficult to engage.

Pain pushes until vision pulls. Make yourself available to a greater unfolding of life, and look for opportunities to fully engage in that unfolding. So lets keep attending to our deepest vision of what we want to create, why we want it, and engage wholeheartedly.

How To Grow Your Courage Zone

 

Learning to manage our thoughts is 80% of what it takes to feel good and step into the life we truly want. Specifically learning to manage thoughts that arise when we take steps toward change, growth, and expansion. Change and growth require us to step out of our comfort zone and into our courage zone. Our comfort zone is the place we settle into that feels comfortable and known to us. The thoughts, behaviors and patterns that we cling to and repeat over and over. It sounds so boring, but most of us stay there because it is a

 perceived place of safety and certainty. It is natural for us to gravitate there based on the reptilian brains desire to keep us safe and alive. The thing is, that remaining in your comfort zone may be working well for you in some areas, but it’s more likely that staying there is not getting you the results you truly want. What is true for me is that in order to grow and transform it requires stepping out of my comfort zone. WHat happens though is that when we try on new behaviors, patterns, and perspectives in the courage zone, we often meet with fear and resistance. Or more simply, that voice in our head that says, “don’t bother, it’s not safe and you will probably fail anyway so why take the risk.” Much of my focus with my clients is to identify, release, and manage this little voice that arises as we step into the courage zone.

 Lets face it, if you didn’t have that fearful voice in your head screaming at you, what would be possible for you? What changes would you make? I had a client recently who really wanted to loose weight and had tried for a very long time. When I worked with her we uncovered a limiting belief that went something like this; ” I need to eat food to comfort me, even though I’m not hungry.” We were able to release this belief and reframe it so she could find new patterns and behaviors that brought her deep comfort. She was then able to make progress loosing the weight. Another client came to me who had yearned to be in a relationship for many years, but could never get there. Together we discovered a couple of deep limiting beliefs. The first was “I’m sure I’ll get rejected,” and the second was “I’m not attractive enough.” I’ll never forget after our 3rd session clearing these beliefs, as she got off the phone with me, a man she had recently met and was interested in her called to ask her out and she was able to say yes!

 The comfort zone is not meant to be a permanent location. However the longer we stay, the harder it feels to leave. The good news is that we can always go back and visit if we need to. Once you step out of your cz it doesn’t disappear. What is important to remember is that we can take the perception of feeling safe and certain along with us outside of our comfort zone. That feeling of safety, and certainty is really coming from inside us anyway, not outside of us. Our thoughts and perspectives determine it.

 The thing I find so exciting about doing EFT(tapping) work with people is that it can release limiting thoughts and perspectives that keep them stuck in their comfort zone. Once we identify and release those limiting beliefs it gives them the ability to step outside the comfort zone and try on new behaviors and patterns with more ease and confidence.They are able to shift their focus to the amount of pleasure, wonder, and expansiveness they will feel in the courage zone.

 The trick is to consistently and lovingly investigate our thoughts. We don’t have to believe everything we think. So next time you are taking a step toward what you want and you have a resistant, fearful thought ask yourself; if I follow this (or believe this to be true) what will be the result? In 10 min. 10 months, 10 years?

I’ve Got A Dare For You

The other day I was driving alone and I began to notice my non stop mind chatter. I was having massive internal dialogue and worry about the future. Then it hit me. I am finally living in the place I have wanted to move to for a few years. My dream has become a reality. It is beautiful, I feel 100% better, and I am so grateful. The thing is, that powerful feeling of gratitude and contentment was being trumped by stampedes of thoughts like…”now that I’m here, how I am going to be able to afford to stay here, and how will I build my business and be available to more clients,” and on and on. I was able to catch myself and in a scolding tone asked,”Why can’t you just be content and hold these amazing feelings of gratitude for the huge positive changes you have recently made?” So this sassy voice in my head then dared me to live in contentment and satisfaction all day, no matter what! So I am extending that dare to you. I dare you to be content no matter how much discontentment you think you are in the midst of. Can you find something to be content and satisfied about. Usually what happens is the following thought ” I don’t have everything I want yet, so I can’t feel content.” It’s like we are depriving ourselves of this feeling until we reach this imaginary finish line, or until all the external circumstances are lined up just right.

 Can you be at peace with what is, while opening to what is possible?When we hold discontent as our main energy we can start to feel stuck and a sense of lack, which means there is little to no room for possibility. By finding contentment right where we are, we are actually closing the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Focusing on discontent and dissatisfaction can be a habit. The mind, left unattended, tends to wander into negative and lack much easier than abundance and positivity.  So stay attentive to the mind and accept my dare for a moment, a day, a week, or a lifetime. Allow yourself to sink into the feeling of peace, contentment and satisfaction, even if circumstances and situations are not exactly where you want them to be yet. Let us allow ourselves that gift.

The Most Powerful Thing You Can Do

As we move forward into 2014 one of my personal intentions is to do whatever it takes to live in my personal power, and support the people in my life to do the same. So today I want to explore one aspect of how we loose our personal power by indulging or collapsing into our negative emotional patterns. We all have emotional patterns. Patterns that were established in our childhood. Someone makes a critical comment, or your circumstances are not working out, or your spouse does or doesn’t do that one thing, and before you know it you are in full emotional reactivity. Swirling deep in an sea of emotion:
resentment, shame, disappointment, anger,etc. This is the nature of being human, but the important question to ponder for yourself is then what? What do you do when these powerful emotions settle into your bones? Asking this question is the beginning of claiming back your power from your emotional world. I am in no way saying that having emotions is bad..emotions are an incredible gift. All of them, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But are you aware of your personal process with your emotions? It is my belief that the most powerful thing we can do for ourselves and the people around us is to be radically accountable for our energy and emotional state.

Here are the most common patterns that I see that we all participate in from time to time that drains our personal power.
POWER ZAPPERS

1.RESISTANCE/SUPPRESSION:When you are feeling emotion do you resist or try to suppress the emotion?

2.COLLAPSING INTO/INDULGING: Do you have a pattern of collapsing into your emotional world? Indulging the emotion by hanging out there and, gathering evidence around you to build on that emotion, or the meaning you have attached to that emotion.

3.APPLYING LOTS OF MEANING: Do you constantly apply meaning to your emotions? Sadness, anger, resentment they don’t necessarily mean anything. All emotions are just energy and sensations being generated from your thoughts. Emotions are JUST a guide. Become acutely aware how you place meaning on your emotions. “This sadness must mean I’m depressed, this anger must mean I should cut that person out of my life, this disappointment must mean I’m a failure, these feelings of rejection must mean I’m unlovable.”

POWER BOOSTERS

1.FULL ACCEPTANCE of the emotion. Here it is, can you allow it to be here fully so you can experience it and then let it go. If we resist, or try to change it, or mask it the longer it will stick around, which tempts us to give it more meaning,indulge or collapse into it.

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy,a depression,a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain all ! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,still,treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet tham at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whomever comes, because each has been sent as a GUIDE from beyond.”~ Rumi

2.IT’S ALL JUST ENERGY. Embrace the belief that emotions( negative or positive) are just energy, and JUST a guide.

3.LET GO OF HAVING TO APPLY MEANING. Challenge yourself to avoid applying meaning to your emotions. Become a neutral, compassionate observer of what happens for you when you have strong negative feelings. Ask yourself how or what is this emotion informing me of? It is my belief that our negative emotions are a signal guiding us to investigate our thinking and the stories we have made up around that particular topic.

The truth is, our Emotion is literally,energy in motion. So decide today to claim your power back from your emotional patterns. EFT or Tapping is one of the best tools I have experienced and witnessed that can unstick these emotional patterns and release negative emotions in an efficient and easy way while gaining insight in the process. If you have not tried Tapping I invite you to give it a try. Let 2014 be about trying something new. Avoid the trap of doing the same thing, expecting different results!

Five Words That Can Change Everything

 

This week in my yoga class, I was reminded of how much  learning can take place on the mat. When I started the class my body felt sore and extremely stiff and I found myself feeling limited and discouraged. I felt so defeated and the class had not even started! Before we began, the teacher suggested these words for our practice….START WITH WHERE YOU ARE

As he said these words my entire body and mind relaxed. It was as if I could give myself permission to be present and accept myself and my body exactly where it was in that moment. As we went through class he continued to remind us …. Start with where you are. Holding this as my focus in each pose I felt a softening, and with that, an energy that allowed me to expand into the pose. Using these five words as my foundation I released the picture of how I thought I should look and feel in order to have a successful class for myself and just simply began.

I decided to hold this awareness throughout the day, and see where else I could apply it. Each time I found myself struggling, or getting stuck in worry, I would return to the five words. This powerful phrase reminds me to let go of judgment and self criticism. It assists me in moving forward and taking the next step no matter how far I think I am from the ultimate outcome. So whatever situation, circumstance, relationship that triggers you into contraction and feeling stuck and overwhelmed, I invite you to just start with where you are. It was such a great reminder for me that we do not need to get somewhere else, be someone else, or have the perfect circumstances line up to take a step and begin. So experiment with these five words, and see what kind of shift they can create inside of you.

 I invite you to join me in this tapping sequence I created to release feeling stuck and create movement toward inspired action. Enjoy!

 

 

“Always we hope someone else has the answer, some other place will be better, some other time it will all turn out. This is it; no one else has the answer, no other place will be better, and it has already turned out. At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. There is no need to run outside for better seeing. Nor to peer from a window. Rather abide at the center of your being; for the more you leave it, the less you learn. Search your heart and see the way to do is to be.”

 

– Lao Tzu

 

The Power of Decision

  HOW TO REGAIN ENERGY AND FULL ENGAGEMENT IN LIFE
by Whitney Demorest M.A.

  

There is a powerful ability we have access to as humans that in my opinion is being underutilized. That is the power of decisions. There are thousands of decisions and choices that are presented to us on a yearly, weekly, and daily basis. What I see in todays fast paced, overstimulated world is that most of these decisions we are engaged in are about managing the external circumstances, schedules, and plain old minutia of life.  So when it comes to making heart centered and life purpose decisions about our own well being and happiness, we may have decision fatigue. Not to say these mundane details of life are not important, but is that where all of your decision making energy is going? What I observe is that many people, including myself, as we settle into the routines and patterns of life, we stop being active decision and choice makers in regards to creating the life we deeply desire. Wholehearted, clear decisions lead to wholehearted actions in our life and world.

 I invite you to make decisions daily about what is true and on purpose for your life. Daily decisions can be as simple as “I decide to be happy”, “I decide to be loving”, “I decide to be kinder to myself”, or as big as “I decide to move to a new place”, “I decide to make change careers, or ” I decide to do something I am passionate about.”

 

SO ASK YOURSELF…

*Is the momentum of my life making my decisions for me, or am I an active participant in deciding what is important for me to change or add to my life?

*Am I letting my past determine the decisions I make for my future?

*Where are the areas of my life where I have stopped deciding, stopped making important decisions for me? No matter how hard and challenging they seem.

ARE YOU RESISTANT OR FEARFUL ABOUT MAKING BIG DECISIONS…

The Latin root of decision means to cut off, this tends to elicit fear in people. However, when we eliminate any other option this creates clarity which ignites power and energy inside of us. Energetically, when we make clear decisions based on what is deeply true for us, we create an alignment that the universe pays attention to, and can then fully support. If we are wishy-washy and unclear the universe, and the people around us, have a hard time supporting our desire. I have had first hand experience of this. :) To want, to hope, and to wish are all important steps to finding our true desires, but to decide is where the power lies. So ask yourself if you are stuck in the comfort of the routine and sameness that your life has created. There is no right or wrong, but are you aware of your patterns around decisions.

We came into this world to create, and decisions are an important part of this process. So choose UP and choose often!

For those of you experiencing the thrill of a GREAT BIG decision you have recently made, keep tapping, breathing and trusting. I would love to support you in this process.

3 Steps Toward Happiness

The new year is upon us, and so when I asked myself about what I wanted in this new year, for once it was a simple answer, to be happy. More specifically, to really allow the times I feel happy to expand and be felt more deepIy. I can hear some of my readers saying..”FORGET happiness, I just want more money, more time, more prosperity.” Well, as one of my mentors, Wayne Dyer says,” there is no way to happiness, happiness IS the way.”Many of my clients bring an interesting belief into their first few sessions. “I can’t be happy until________ .”  Until I loose wieght, or get the right job, or make enough money, or feel less insecure, or genrate more business, or get in better shape, or have better relationships. The list goes on and on. Many of these beliefs started in our childhood. Ask yourself what some of the childhood messages you received were around the theme of happiness? For example; you can only be happy when……my happiness depends on my circumstances…..you don’t deserve to be happy…

 

Emotional Freedom Technique( tapping) helps people release this rather huge limiting belief, and begin to see and feel that it IS possible to accept themselves and be happy even though they have challenges in and around them. Change becomes possible as EFT creates a powerful energetic shift for people that inspires a more accepting,positive and resourceful state of being.

 

I had the fortune of seeing a great documentary recently called HAPPY that spoke to this so clearly. Here are 3 reminders inspired from the film.

  1. RELEASE RESISTANCE. So often, and without even realizing it, we carry so much resistance to our reality when we don’t like what is happening, it isn’t what we want, or doesn’t meet our expectations. Begin to be more aware of when resistance is at play and what it does to you and your energy. Is it serving you to stay in a state of resistance? It is very challenging to feel positive emotion of any kind on top of resistance.
  2. WIDEN YOUR FOCUS BEYOND YOURSELF AND YOUR PROBLEMS. Pema Chodron(author of my favorite book The Places That Scare You) speaks about a wonderful exercise designed to expand our awareness and connection to others. It is called Tonglen meditation. With the in breath you invite in the awareness of others’ pain and unwanted feelings. On the out breath send out relief from the pain and suffering and ask that we and others be happy and at peace. It can be so helpful to see and feel that you are not the only one that has ever suffered, been disappointed, rejected, or in pain.
  3. BE PRESENT- Sometimes I think people really are happy they are just too busy to notice, or too identified with their problems. They are in a chronic state of striving and never really acknowledge or see the ways that they are blessed. The more mindfulness we can bring to happy moments, the deeper it penetrates and expands.

Radical Accountability

In this issue I want to talk about a universal epidemic, and here is what it looks like.The other day I found myself in a very low mood. It seemed to be with me even before I got out of bed. Practicing and teaching personal growth and transformation really allows me no excuse to stay in a state like this. I have at my disposal plenty of tools that can help me shift into a more useful state. Well, instead of using those tools right away the mood had a grip and I was deeply immersed. After indulging it for way too long, and generously sharing my mood with my family, I eventually navigated  my way out.

There is nothing new and different about this story , it is a very universal situation. We all experience highs and lows; daily, weekly, yearly, or minute by minute. However, what it brought to light is this fascinating reflexive tendency to hope that something outside of me will shift my feelings and mood. My husband became the target that day, and I was hoping that he would do something to make me feel better, or at least not do the things that irritate me. Herein lies the epidemic. Hoping, believing, praying that something or someone outside of us is the solution. We fall into the trap of believing that circumstances; more money, more time, a better relationship, will make us feel better or change us somehow. As I pondered all of this the term

RADICAL ACCOUNTABILITY

came to me. It is clear to me that happiness and peace of mind are directly related to ones ability to be radically accountable.

What does that mean? It means that at a very deep level you understand and are willing to accept that NOTHING outside of you can make you feel better. At least not in a sustainable way.  Life is an inside out experience. If we can look at the places in our lives where we are looking outside of ourselves to create change, we can begin to make a very powerful shift. Radical accountability helps us claim our power back. We give our power away so often when we choose to blame people or circumstances for our internal state. Being radically accountable is being willing to see your part in everything. Not in a guilt ridden, victim way, but with openness, compassion, and curiosity. If and when you feel the urge to blame, allow that to be a gentle reminder to bring your awareness back to yourself. How have I created this? What role have I played in my own suffering? Radical accountability is a willingness to know that we are participating even when we don’t think we are. It means not letting yourself off the hook. Enter into radical accountability with clarity and compassion rather than guilt and judgement. Weather it is in a relationship, your work, or as a parent; be willing to look at your part. How are you contributing?  I admit this is not something that is easily done depending on the day. However, there is something deeply freeing about choosing to practice radical accountability, and knowing that your suffering and struggle begins and ends inside of you.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTIONS

We are energetic beings that are deeply connected and so we are always either contributing or taking away from an experience. Ask yourself:

·What am I willing to own about this situation, or my feelings about this situation?

Jack Cornfield has some fabulous questions that can help us become more accountable for our feelings and our lives.

1.How have I treated this problem so far?

2.How have I suffered by my own response and reaction to it?

3.What does this problem ask me to let go of?

4.What great lesson might it be able to teach me?

 
  Your privacy is important.


<